bullets, a vampire’s only weakness

Police looking for man who offered a $1m bounty to kill a self-proclaimed vampire who bit his ex-girlfriend

Mr Chartres-Abbot was shot in broad daylight in Melbourne, in front of his father and pregnant girlfriend.

…

Mr Chartres-Abbot had allegedly told Mr Perry’s former girlfriend that he was a centuries-old vampire who drank blood to survive.

This is very bizarre. Aside from the fact that pick-up lines post-Robert-Pattinson are getting predictably odder.

Hey baby how’d you like to wake up in an alley with weird puncture marks in your neck

#%$*&^

So it’s week one and already I miss the first English society meeting I wanted to go for, because I wrote it down but forgot about it. Twit.

At least it wasn’t a tutorial

Need to get organised

Attention Japanese people:

Why would you make this? Are you trying to get us all killed

It’s like you want robots to destroy us

…

Actually knowing your hardcore otaku I bet there’s a fringe group aiming for this ultimate goal

oh snap

This is a real animal

It is a turtle. An alligator snapping turtle.

This goes on the list with ‘narwhals’ as ‘animals you’d think were made-up’

today ian bet me a lunch that e.e. cummings wrote Winnie the Pooh.

It’s like taking candy from a baby that was dropped

woah

Hey, did you hear? Ex-Korean President Roh Moo-Hyun may have killed himself.

It’s like something out of a Murakami novel. Didn’t he use to be a President? Aren’t these things…not supposed to happen to powerful people?

I guess even being president can still mean your life is terrible

“…Don’t be too sad. Isn’t life and death all part of nature? Don’t be sorry,” the official news agency, Yonhap, quoted the note as saying.

“Please cremate me. And please leave a small tombstone near home. I’ve long thought about that.”

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…

on an equally macabre note, China man threatening suicide jump gets pushed by irritated passer-by

Lai Jiansheng, 66, said he was fed up with the desperate man’s “selfish activity” which caused huge traffic jams in Guangzhou, southern China.

Chen Fuchao fell 26ft (8m) on to an air cushion and is recovering in hospital

…

“I pushed him off because jumpers like Chen are very selfish,” the newspaper quoted Mr Lai as saying.

Look, we’re all busy people here. Either shut up and get jumping or move along

Getting off the train after watching Angels and Demons, the speakers blare a Gurmit Singh courtesy-rap. He is playing Phua Chu Kang. Again.

There is piano accompaniment.

It was horrific

Is there seriously a bureaucrat deep in the concrete redoubt of the Ministry of Truth who honestly believes that selfish people hearing Gurmit Singh rap about kindness would suddenly give up their seats and make way on escalators. Or that Singaporeans would fall in love and have more kids because the government tells you to. ‘but…they asked so nicely!‘

It’s almost enough to make you want to emigrate

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Oh, also, under blog stats somebody found this place searching for

‘rebuttal definition to genghis khan’

speaking of misogyny

Hey, girls! Just to piss you off this fine morning, watch this

‘look at the way they laugh, they’re delightful’

life skills

Just yesterday, I spent a half-hour explaining to my kids why the media is structurally built to lie to you, that the government downgrades virus alerts to prevent panics and not because it’s safe, and that we’re all going to die of swine flu in 9 months.

I went home quite pleased with myself

the relac fundamentalist

Lol. So it’s quite tragic. Apparently ST says Mat Selamat spent all his time on the lam just…slacking off. He sold burgers in the evening. He stayed on the porch. Sometimes he went fishing and barbecued them. Doesn’t sound like a terrorist plot to me. Sounds like the man was trying to live a RURAL IDYLL

I smell movie potential. An ex-terrorist fleeing the police ends up in a small rural community. At first he is impatient with their simple, rustic ways, but eventually their charm and innocence win him over. He also meets a kampung girl and falls in love. BUT. Will his new friendship survive his arrest and revelation of insidious Terror Plots? The movie ends with the kooky cast of the rural village uniting together to rescue him in madcap fashion, using their unique skills from a lifetime of different aspects of farming

It could star Tom Hanks